I CAN MOONWALK!
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
no. you can't hotbox the world.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Randomize
