Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
