David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
He told me they were just razor bumps!
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
