I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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