Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
