....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Green mimosas i think yes
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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