rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
