she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
