The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Randomize
