I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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