Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
