there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
