I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
