Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
