I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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