i permit you to call me
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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