It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
