he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
