the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Randomize
