she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
What's dad's email?
[email protected]
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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