Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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