K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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