so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
Randomize
