I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
