The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
