I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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