I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
