Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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