I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Randomize
