Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Randomize
