how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Randomize
