Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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