I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Randomize
