So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
