I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
He better not be in your backpack
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
