Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Randomize
