so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
