Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
