Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
