I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
