i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
