At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
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