the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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