the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
We named our party play list daddy issues
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
So why exactly are your shoes in my freezer?
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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