I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
While he was at a job interview yesterday, I was dropping acid. So that's the aesthetic of our relationship rn.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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