After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
