Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
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