You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
Randomize
