I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
