I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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