if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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