I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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