He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
